Many parents are going into debt this school year, with 70% feeling pressure to keep up and 39% expecting to borrow money.
Before making a purchase, ask yourself: "Will I still be paying for this after my child has stopped caring about it?"
Experts say letting kids prioritize one purchase, spreading out shopping, and buying secondhand can reduce costs without making them feel left out.
A new survey of 2,000 U.S. parents from Beyond Finance found that 70% feel pressure to keep up with other families during back-to-school shopping, and many are taking on debt simply to make sure their children don't feel left out. Nearly 39% expect to take on debt this year, while 38% are still paying off debt from previous school years.
To better understand what's driving these spending habits, ConsumerAffairs interviewed Dr. Erika Rasure, Ph.D., Certified Financial Therapist™ and Chief Financial Wellness Advisor at Beyond Finance. Dr. Rasure says the biggest challenge facing many parents isn't inflation alone, but the emotional pressure to help their children fit in.
"The real danger is when an emotional concern like, 'I don't want my child to feel embarrassed, left out, ashamed, or bullied,' turns into a financial trap disguised as an act of love," she told ConsumerAffairs.
Parents are taking bigger financial risks
The survey found many families are turning to increasingly risky ways to pay for back-to-school expenses.
61% admit to buying something just so their child would fit in.
39% plan to take on debt.
23% plan to use Buy Now, Pay Later services.
15% expect to use personal or payday loans.
12% have pawned possessions.
8% admit they've even gambled to cover school costs.
For Dr. Rasure, these numbers show how quickly emotional decisions can become financial ones if we aren’t paying attention.
Making a temporary sacrifice (like cutting back on eating out) to afford the shoes your child has been asking for is very different from financing those same shoes while already carrying credit card debt.
"At that point," she said, "a temporary sacrifice can become long-term financial self-sabotage."
Eventually, those financial consequences start to affect the entire family.
One question every parent should ask
Specifically, before buying another backpack or pair of sneakers this year, Dr. Rasure recommends asking yourself one simple question: "Will I still be paying for this after my child has stopped caring about it?"
"If the answer is yes," she said, "that's a good sign to reconsider."
It's an easy question, but one that shifts the focus from today's emotions to tomorrow's finances. The takeaway being that a trendy backpack may be forgotten by Thanksgiving, but the debt could still be lingering as far away as next summer.
Parents may be buying things their kids don't even want
One of Dr. Rasure's biggest observations is that parents often spend money based on assumptions, rather than actual conversations with their kids.
"Assumption is expensive," she said. "Parents frequently assume their child needs a certain brand because everyone else is buying it. But that assumption may have more to do with the parent's own anxiety than the child's actual preferences.
"Sometimes parents are financing an insecurity their child never asked them to carry, let alone solve," she said. Instead of guessing, Dr. Rasure recommends asking your child what actually matters to them.
Her own family takes an approach that may surprise parents. Rather than buying everything before school starts, she purchases only the essentials. Then she encourages her children to spend the first few weeks observing what classmates are actually wearing, using, and talking about. Only then do they decide whether additional purchases are worthwhile.
"What appears to be 'trending' before school starts often looks very different once kids are back in the hallways," she said.
Sometimes the item children care about most isn't even expensive.
"A $6 NeeDoh or a $4 EOS lotion tucked into a backpack might matter infinitely more to your child than a $98 pair of Lululemon leggings," Dr. Rasure said. "The point is to spend based on what your child actually values — not on what you assume they need."
Three ways to spend less without making your child feel left out
Let your child choose what matters most. Rather than buying ten new items, ask your child which single purchase matters most.
Maybe it's the shoes. Maybe it's the backpack. Maybe it's a hoodie. Giving children a voice doesn't just help prioritize spending, but it also teaches them how to make thoughtful financial decisions.
"They begin to understand they can make decisions about money rather than feeling like money is making decisions for them," Rasure said.
Pro tip: Give your child a fixed budget of something like $25 or $50, and give them the freedom to spend the money on the one item they care about the most. By approaching it this way, not only will they feel heard, but you'll avoid spending hundreds on things that matter way less.Don't do all your shopping at once. Back-to-school shopping doesn't have to happen in a single weekend. Buy what your child truly needs to start the school year, then spread out additional purchases over the following weeks or months.
Preferences often change after students are back in class, and some items can become birthday or holiday gifts instead. Spacing out purchases also gives families more breathing room in their budgets.
Pro tip: Wait until your child's teacher releases the official supply list before stocking up. Buying too early often leads to duplicate purchases or the wrong notebooks, folders, and classroom supplies.Make smart spending something to be proud of. Dr.Rasure says parents shouldn't apologize for buying secondhand, reusing last year's backpack, or shopping resale sites. Instead of saying, "We can't afford something better," she suggests reframing the conversation.
Parents can try saying something like, "We're deciding together what is worth spending our money on." Children absorb their parents' attitudes toward money.
"If we treat financially responsible choices as embarrassing or shameful, they may learn to experience them that way too," she said. "But if we treat those choices as normal, thoughtful and intentional, we give our children something far more valuable than a new backpack."
That lesson, she says, is confidence. "We teach them how to talk about money without shame, trust their own financial decisions, and understand that being intentional with money is something to feel confident about."
In the end, that may be a lesson just as valuable as anything they'll learn in the classroom this school year.