Back-to-school is a process, not a day. Mental health expert Elizabeth Keohan says parents should focus less on a perfect first day and more on helping kids adjust over the first few weeks
Know the difference between jitters and warning signs. Some anxiety is normal, but lasting changes in behavior or withdrawal from friends may signal a child needs extra support.
Build confidence through routine. Practice school mornings, ease back into bedtimes, and let kids make small choices to help reduce anxiety.
For many families, back-to-school season means shopping for supplies, packing lunches, and ajusting to new schedules. But beneath the excitement, many parents and students are also experiencing anxiety as summer routines give way to new teachers, classmates, and academic expectations.
To help families navigate the transition, ConsumerAffairs interviewed Elizabeth Keohan, a licensed clinical social worker and member of the Talkspace Council of Mental Health Experts.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make, according to Keohan, is viewing back-to-school as a single event rather than a transition period that takes place over several weeks. "Back to school is a process, not an event," she said, explaining that students of every age return from summer having grown and changed in ways that aren't always obvious.
Instead of trying to make everything perfect on the first day, she encourages parents to "leave room for grace, error, and growth." This is especially true as kids adjust to new routines, teachers, classmates, and different expectations.
Don't expect perfection on day one
It's easy to fall into the trap of believing the first day sets the tone for the entire school year. Parents spend weeks buying the right backpack, organizing supplies, and making sure every detail is in place.
While preparation is helpful, Keohan says it's more important to focus on helping children adapt over time than on creating a flawless first day. She encourages parents to stay open to the unexpected instead of worrying about "getting this year just right."
What parents can do: Instead of asking, "Did everything go okay?" after school, try asking questions like, "What surprised you today?" or "What's something you're looking forward to tomorrow?" Open-ended questions often lead to more meaningful conversations.
Know when normal jitters become something more
Feeling nervous before school starts is completely normal. Most children settle into new routines after the first few days or weeks.
Parents should become more concerned, Keohan says, if anxiety begins changing a child's normal behavior. Pay attention to withdrawals like spending less time with friends, losing interest in favorite activities, avoiding family interactions, or even spending noticeably less time on their phones. These can signal that additional support may be needed.
She also urges parents not to second-guess themselves if they notice something seems off. "The moment you notice is the right moment," she said. "It shows you care."
Parents' anxiety can be contagious
Back-to-school stress isn't limited to students. Parents often worry about academic success, friendships, extracurricular activities, and whether their children will have a successful year.
Keohan says much of that anxiety comes from looking too far ahead. Parents naturally want the best for their children, but focusing too much on what the year should look like can create unnecessary pressure for everyone.
Instead, she recommends practicing mindfulness and staying focused on the present. Slowing down, observing instead of constantly trying to achieve or fix every challenge, helps create a calmer environment that children often mirror themselves.
What parents can do: Children frequently pick up on their parents' emotions. Remaining flexible and calm (even when schedules get hectic) can help reduce their anxiety.
Build routines before school begins
One of the simplest ways to ease the transition is to establish school-year routines before classes begin.
For example, try gradually moving bedtime earlier several days before school starts. You can even practice the school-day routine and pack backpacks the night before, and eat breakfast on the same schedule you'll follow during the year. Make it a fun trial run and let your kids get excited about the new routines.
These small habits reduce uncertainty and help children feel more confident about what's coming.
What parents can do: Do one complete "practice school morning" before the first day. It helps children know what to expect and can uncover last-minute issues before they become stressful.
Give children opportunities to feel in control
Much of back-to-school anxiety comes from uncertainty.
While parents can't eliminate every unknown, they can give children small decisions that give them a sense of control.
For example, let them choose their backpack, first-day outfit, lunch container, or let them organize the spot where they’ll do their homework. Even giving them some simple choices can put them in control and will help to build their confidence.
Three reminders every family can use
If Keohan could leave families with just three pieces of advice, they would be simple: let go of control, get excited for the unknown, and grow alongside your child.
Back-to-school season doesn't have to be perfect. Think of it more as a time of adjustments rather than this one high-pressure day. By doing so, families can reduce anxiety, build-up some resilience, and help kids start the new school year with some confidence.