Romance scammers cultivate trust through frequent contact, flattery, and carefully tailored stories before asking for money.
The new documentary “Super Scam Me” examines those tactics by putting investigative journalist Mariana van Zeller in a potential victim’s position.
Consumers can protect themselves by keeping trusted people involved and refusing to send money to an online love interest they have never met.
Romance scams start innocently enough. Two people meet on a dating site and get to know one another. Only one is not a person looking for companionship – they’re a scammer seeking money.
By the time a romance scammer asks for money, the person receiving the request may feel they are helping someone they know and love.
That is what makes these crimes so effective: The financial deception follows a sustained effort to create an emotional connection. Scammers learn what their targets want, mirror their interests, and make themselves part of everyday life, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC).
The new National Geographic documentary “Super Scam Me,” which premiered October 17 and streams on Disney+ and Hulu, explores that process. Investigative journalist Mariana van Zeller creates an online dating persona and engages with scammers, eventually pursuing one who claims to be a four-star general. The film also features a woman deceived by someone impersonating Jon Bon Jovi.
In an interview with Bruce Y. Lee for Psychology Today, van Zeller described how quickly scammers contacted her fictional profile, “Mary Zelle,” a middle-aged antiques dealer looking for love.
Outpouring of affection and attention
Their initial approach included “love bombing” — an outpouring of affection and attention designed to accelerate a connection. One supposed suitor remembered details from earlier conversations, checked whether she had arrived home safely, and asked whether she had eaten dinner. Even while playing a role, van Zeller found the interaction emotionally draining.
Those details help explain why a fraudulent relationship can feel convincing. A person who consistently remembers your concerns and checks on your well-being can begin to feel familiar.
Van Zeller told Psychology Today that scammers exploit widely shared emotions, including hope, fear, and love. They also invest considerable time in their targets. Her account illustrates how loneliness or a desire for companionship can give that attention particular significance, without making the victim unintelligent.
Scammers also manufacture compatibility. The FTC says they pay close attention to information people share and present themselves as an ideal match, adopting similar interests and relationship goals. Their invented occupations — such as military service overseas or work on an offshore oil rig — conveniently explain why they cannot meet.
Eventually, the relationship becomes the setting for a financial request. A supposed partner needs emergency medical care, money for travel, or help resolving trouble abroad. Others offer to teach their target cryptocurrency investing. The FTC warns that these stories are tailored to whatever seems most likely to work.
Why it ultimately works
The implication is that recognizing the scam may require questioning a relationship that has become emotionally important. That helps explain why an outsider’s seemingly obvious warning can be difficult to accept.
The FTC recommends discussing online relationships with someone trustworthy, checking profile photographs through a reverse image search, and never sending money or gifts to a romantic interest you have not met in person.
Anyone who has paid a suspected scammer should contact their bank or payment provider immediately, ask whether the transaction can be reversed, and report the account to the platform andReportFraud.ftc.gov.