Tips for Couples Moving In Together

Discuss finances and chores

One of the biggest things you and your partner must decide is how to share expenses. Having an open and honest budget conversation is a good first step. And finances aren’t the only major topic you should discuss; talking about household chore responsibilities upfront can save both partners some frustration down the road.

Bills and bank accounts

Remember, there’s no single correct way for a couple to divide financial responsibilities. When discussing finances with your partner, decide whether you will:

• Merge your finances into a joint bank account
• Keep separate accounts
• Take a hybrid approach, with one joint account solely for paying shared expenses while both partners keep individual accounts

Merging finances into a joint account has the advantage of simplicity, as all income and all shared expenses are linked to this one account. But not everyone is comfortable with this approach, and some couples may prefer to keep separate accounts.

If you decide to keep separate bank accounts or use a hybrid approach, discuss whether to split household bills 50-50 or based on income proportions. This may look like the higher earning partner contributing more to household expenses.

Once you determine proportions, each partner can deposit their share into the joint account, or designate one person to pay bills while the other sends money to them each month via peer-to-peer payment systems such as Venmo or CashApp.

Chores and housework

Splitting chores fairly is another key point to decide. To plan who does what, you may want to make a list of all the responsibilities and tasks needed to run the household effectively. Include everything from taking out the trash to washing clothes, as well as household-related errands such as weekly grocery shopping.

Then, go through the list and assign tasks to each partner, taking into account what chores each partner might prefer to take on. Maybe one of you enjoys folding laundry while the other would rather clean up after dinner each night, for example.

You might decide to take turns performing burdensome tasks such as deep cleaning the bathroom or picking up your dog’s poop from the yard.

Set clear expectations on when these tasks should be done, but be flexible; there may be weeks when one partner’s work schedule is particularly chaotic, for example. Open communication and weekly check-ins can help mitigate feelings of resentment or overwhelm before they start.

» BE PREPARED: Moving prep

Create a shared living space

Talk openly with your partner about how you want your home to look and feel.

“One practical approach is to give each partner meaningful influence over specific spaces, even if some areas remain collaborative,” said Colette Jane Fehr, a Florida-based licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship expert. “When you organize and decorate in a manner that pulls from each partner’s aesthetic and aspirations, the space becomes collaborative and connective.”

Talk openly with your partner about how you want your home to look and feel.

But sometimes one partner moves into the other partner’s existing space. While this is often practical, it can kick up resentment in the partner moving in.

“One partner moving into the other’s place is a simple solution, but can feel off balance,” said Sharon Yu, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. “This is because one person is in their familiar home while the other is living in a new place.”

Yu offered this guidance for couples who are merging their belongings, especially in one partner’s existing space: “Choose items for your shared space together. Allow each other to keep meaningful items, even if the other doesn’t like them. Avoid forcing your style onto your partner. Ask yourself, ‘Am I respecting my partner with my reactions?’”

Communicate (and keep communicating)

You and your partner may feel pressure to “keep the peace” after moving in together, but open communication is key to a successful relationship.

“When concerns go unspoken, resentment quietly builds and emotional connection erodes,” said Fehr. “Healthy communication starts when couples shift away from proving a point and toward revealing what’s happening inside — what you’re feeling, what you need and what you’re afraid of in the moment.”

Here are some tips for good communication that can be especially helpful for couples living together:

• Use “I” statements to share how you feel without sounding accusatory
• Ask open-ended questions to help avoid assumptions
• Practice active listening and acknowledge your partner’s feelings
• Take a time out if one or both of you begin to feel overwhelmed

Stay open-minded and don’t jump to conclusions when talking things out with your partner. It’s easy to get caught up in proving your point, but remaining flexible and open can help you resolve conflicts more quickly.

Plan for the future

Moving in together usually includes talking about plans for the future. Before forging ahead with this big life transition, discuss the following to make sure you and your partner are on the same page:

• What are the long-term relationship goals for moving in together?
• Is marriage part of those long-term goals?
• Are children part of the goal, with or without marriage?
• How will you handle big life transitions such as an out-of-state job offer or loss of employment?
• What is the contingency plan if the relationship is no longer working?

Couples looking to align their long-term goals should start with open communication, sharing individual goals and being honest about any fears. Then, together, identify any shared values or goals, discussing what's most important to each partner before prioritizing how to tackle them.